Hi. I went through depression in my senior year of high school. I felt lonely, guilty, ugly, unworthy of love, painfully isolated. Being alone at night was the worst, because that's when all the dark thoughts would come and I would fight the thoughts of cutting myself. I wrote a lot of bad poetry. I cried all the time and didn't even know why. I thought about what heaven might be like, and I wished I was there.
I told my parents. I got therapy. I got medicine. I got better.
Since then, I've gone to college. I studied abroad in Japan. I fell in love and married a cute guy. He and I are making a video game together! Now I'm going to graduate school and I'm learning to become a children's book illustrator. I live in a bright apartment where I can see squirrels climbing in the trees outside my window. I love baking muffins and popovers and other yummy things. Not every day is rainbows and sunshine, but in general I am a very happy girl and I LOVE my life.
As a teenager, I never could have imagined that my life would turn out so awesome. Your depression will tell you that it will never get better, that your life will never be much anyway, that you're not worth it, that you will never be happy again and the best you can hope for is the peace and quiet of death. It's not true. It feels true, but it's not. Keep telling yourself that: it feels true, but it's not.
Tell an adult that you trust. Get help. Get therapy and medicine, if that's what it takes. And if that adult doesn't help you, tell another adult and another and another until someone takes you seriously. Don't give up. Your life is going to be so amazing!